Thursday, August 6, 2015

i think semua orang pernah rasa je like what they did was never and never will be good enough. try making ur parents happy and satisfied, making people sure that u're doing alright, making urself sure that u've recovered from ur past disappointments and frustrations. u thought u've been good enough to everyone and keep every relationship with people perfect. its weird when people say they know us too well to know what we are capable of doing and not dare to do. heck i dont even know what i'm doing most of the time. semua orang seems to be so sure with their lives, of what or who they want to be. i dont know shit. its so frustrating to keep myself together and not let myself fall off the wagon. sometimes i think i myself is enough, that i am whole. but everytime someone leaves, it breaks the shit of me.

if being with people is hard do i even fit to live alone?! duduk alone with cats and watch game of thrones reruns on tv kalau bosan pon go out just to get take outs and balik rumah tidur. is that how life's supposed to be?! not complaining but i've been trying to understand people around me but why cant anyone see i'm still hurting?? do i need to spell it out so people will finally realize?? i havent recovered!! not when my bestfriend decided to leave me?! when my boyfriend ignores me everytime he discovers something new instead of sharing them with me?? when my family thinks i got a hold of my life after seeing my good grades??? guys i'm not ok!!! i never was. bila korang nak nampak this

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2015 and sad

while everyone is celebrating new year's eve with their loved ones, i spent my could-have been memorable night on the floor waiting for him to text me. instead i called him and found that he was already asleep. i dont know it wasnt even a big deal i just lonely. ada je friends yg wish happy new year and all, ada yg almost made me cry. but sometimes it takes one person's attention to make this lil heart of mine satisfied. i dont have anyone to talk to about this. the only person i dare to open up is sarah. and due to her absence, he took sarah's place. sucks spending new year's eve crying and thinking worst things that could happen.


Tuesday, November 4, 2014

a table for one or two?

u know just now when i was driving back home from lunch, listening to owl city's ocean eyes, i suddenly thought of something. this owl city guy, adam young, such a sweet guy, good looking, smart and talented, but still single. dont get me wrong, but a guy his age, doesnt he has a girlfriend? had, perhaps? 

and then i thought, what do single people do? when u get into a relationship, u will share everything with ur partner, not entirely everything lah but u get the idea. time, space. these two mainly. when u go solo, u have all the time in the world for urself. u manage ur time according to ur convenience. but when u are in a relationship, like it or not u got to squeeze ur schedule to fit in extra time to spend with ur partner. meet ups, short meet ups, late night calls and texting. if these things dont work out the way u guys want it to be, bye lah kan.

but to see in my relationship point of view, we're not that fortunate to get such closure everyday. he's hella busy with his studies and i understand him very well bcs i've been in that road before. so we only text twice or thrice a week, depends on his availability. and sometimes i call him out of the blue bcs rindu kan haha. at first it was damn hard lah but i managed to control my feelings and everything went ok up till now. just when he's free we'll use that time very wiseley lah kan ;-)

back to the topic, what do single people do? kalau girls i understand lah they meroyan here and there on groupchats and twitter other than having crushes everywhere and could give a shit about anything. but guys? like adam young? baby u selalu buat apa selain tweet merepek dalam indon? being the stereotypical bitch i am, main viedo games and watch porn lah kot ok bye.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

thanks little birdie

well apparently some people still can't move on from the past. haha things that were so way back then AND U STILL HAVEN'T MOVED ON. such a pity a pretty face can't have a pretty heart. well most have, it's just u. masalah. tahu, masalah? cerita lama kau ungkit balik. aku pon dah tak ingat langsung till this little birdie came and told me what u said about me. ME. masalah sangat ke aku kat kau. 

"aku punya result spm lagi baik dari cise."

"aku lagi layak study overseas dari dia."

"asal dia balik malaysia? problem lah tu."

one thing girl, ini semua rezeki Allah. alhamdulillah i got the chance to fly to Egypt and study medicine there despite my results. it was a brief yet so exciting and memorable experience and it was a chance of a lifetime for me. but not everything we want we could put grip on it. we have to make sacrifices. aku korbankan cita-cita aku atas sebab lain. skeptical people like u who likes to assume shit is why people are afraid to move forward to start a new life. aku dah redha dengan jalan hidup aku tapi kenapa kau, above all people, ada masalah dengan hidup aku?

cerita dia macam ni, if your spm results were as greater than mine like u said, why didn't u took the chances u could probably have with that kind of results u achieved? sebab tu pilahan kau kan? u chose that path and no one can question your choice. same goes to other people. we have our own choices and some may not have the privilege to decide for their own. kau dah boleh belajar nak respect orang kot. umur dah 20 kan. dah bukan budak-budak lagi. kesian tau, orang yg lagi 'pandai' tak boleh nak fikir matang. dah lah tu, ngumpat pasal aku kat kawan aku. memang cerita dia aku  tau lah kan? malu tak?

p/s: for those who are still wondering why i came back, there were financial and safety issues which made my parents worry sick. and i'm currently studying in segi subang jaya taking foundation in science leading to psychology. thanks for not assuming :-)


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

at some point in life i kinda think i was never meant to be happy.

sometimes acceptance means everything to some people. it makes a person feel needed, depended and being looked after. and it took another person to remind me the mistakes i have done when i was with him. the person i accepted. the one i thought was different. the one turned out to be just as same. i'm fucking sick.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

can i say he's someone i am so grateful to meet. and so proud to call him mine? 


Friday, October 18, 2013

a lil update

so hi, its almost a month i'm back here. nothing dazzling happened so far. probably the most boring semester yet. my pbl mates are cool though i know most of them and we actually kinda have that chemistry whatever stuff. but my first pbl close case was horrible i mean what the fuck did i learn the whole week??? stupid sangat ka aku ni nak explain the main point for our case pon dokleh? god knows lah how pathetic i felt that time. thank god dem guys understood my situation. we were so busy kot!!! i was busy lazying around moaning about my stupid pathetic life i mean geez who wouldnt understand a sad problematic immature girl like me???

like really????

my dad was being very awesome. with all that was happening about kpm results. i didnt get to any ipts though what even ipta???? hang bodoh hang bakpe nak expect benda best??? anyways abah kata "takpe nak abah tak kisah pon abah dapat degree masa abah ada 3 orang anak!!!" something like that lah so if he's cool with anything i choose THEN WHY THE FUCK CANT I DECIDE NOW. seriously i dont really know what to do. if i stay here and proceed with my 5 years left for mbbs, i need to repeat my C spm papers which u dont have to know bcs i'm stupid yes to get my noc. a certificate which i am certified to study medicine oversea (as in actually to study medicine itself). so abah applied some diploma courses for me in case i change my mind. ABAH SARANGHAEYO!!!! he even suggested some medschool in indonesia. why do i deserve such awesomeness??? no fathin u dont bcs ure stupid shut up.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

egypt leuls

hi its almost a week now i'm in egypt. fridge rosak water heater rosak lampu rosak apa je yang tak rosak tell me. dah 5 hari makan luar je adoi pokai tau. and winter is anytime soon. ITS TORTURING TO TAKE A BATH NOW SEBAB SEJUK GILA :( tak mboh mandi dah.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


1. Last beverage : cold mineral water
2. Last phone call : zack
3. Last text message : sarah
4. Last song you listened to : decorate - kuizz shah's cover
5. Last time you cried : 2 days ago

6. Dated someone twice : nope
7. Been cheated on : lol of course
8. Kissed someone & regretted it : yes
9. Lost someone special : my dear brother
10. Been depressed : all the time
11. Been drunk and threw up : no

12: purple
13: navy blue
14: black

15. Made a new friend: certainly
16. Fallen out of love: yes
17. Laughed until you cried: u can trust me in this
18. Met someone who changed you: yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: never really cared to find out
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: umm no
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: ntah
24. Do you have any pets: no
25. Do you want to change your name: sometimes i do
26. What did you do for your last birthday?: went out with sarah, as usual
27. What time did you wake up this morning?: 6
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: spazzing with sarah lol

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: msu and mmc's approval SO I CAN FREAKING LEAVE EGYPT ALRDY
30. Last time you saw your Mother: last night
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life : date no one
32. What are you listening to right now: random awesome - yuna
33. Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: tom myspace???????
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: the government
36. Whats your real name: Nurul Fathin Binti Isa
37. Nicknames: ateng, paten, cise
38. Birth month: june
39. Zodiac sign: gemini
40. Male or female: female.
41. Primary School: sk (p) tengku mariam, sk seri beroleh, sk taman desa jaya
42. Secondary School: smk (p) sultan ibrahim, smk taman desa jaya, smk mohd khalid
43. High school/college: mansoura university
44. Write whatever you want here: i hope everything will be okay in egypt and be accepted by msu
45. Long or short hair?: long
46. Height: 165????
47. Do you have a crush on someone: haha yes
48. What do you like about yourself: my height kot
49. Piercings: yes
50. Tattoos: haha i wish
51. Righty or lefty: right

52. First surgery: nope
53. First piercing: when i was 4
54. First best friend: aurora. back in the states she was my only friend lol
55. First sport you joined: netball
56. First vacation: langkawi, when i was 2 haha
58. First pair of trainers: tak ingat dok

59. Eating: havent brushed my teeth meng
60. Drinking: MY SALIVA
61. I'm about to: fart hmm
62. Listening to: didnt u just asked me mad sounds - arctic monkeys
63. Waiting for: adib's bbm haha

64. Want kids: I WANT 4
65. Get married: yes lah
66. Career: a doctor insyaallah

67. Lips or eyes: eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs
69. Shorter or taller: taller
70. Older or Younger: older
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms
73. Sensitive or loud: loud
74. Hook-up or relationship: hook up

76. Kissed a stranger: oi
77. Drank hard liquor: oi
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yep
79. Sex on first date: oi
80. Broken someone's heart: yeah....
82. Been arrested: in a dream once haha
83. Turned someone down: yeah.....
84. Cried when someone died: i couldnt cry....
85. Fallen for a friend: ;)

86. Yourself: no
87. Miracles: no
88. Love at first sight: no
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: no
91. Kiss on the first date: oi
92. Angels: yes

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no
95. Did you sing today: i probably will
96. Ever cheated on somebody: no
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: 2007
98. The moment you would choose to re-live: The moment before this date : the day i chose to study in egypt
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: hmm
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: brb